i think i'll be an astronaut

waking up is the hardest part

life lately.... has been very hectic. this is the last full week of fall semester (should be my last full week of a whole semester for my whole life... but no. thank you/fuck you data analysis). with this semester winding down... it's become apparent that i really need to figure out what i'm going to do with my life.

I need direction. I need motivation. I need dedication. I need guidance.

i know that the struggle is part of the story... but what if the struggle is the only part of the story. every morning, when i hear those annoying fucking birds chirping that wake me up, i think about all the things that are going to happen over the day. i'm going to wake up, take a shower (maybe), get coffee, drive to Murfreesboro, go to the library, get more coffee, go to my classes, drive home.... then what. I'm so lucky that i have good friends in my life that i can count on. i would be completely lost without the women (and some men) in my life. i am so blessed to have real people in my life. people who are there for me because they want to be, no matter what time, what's going on, where, how they are going to make it better, etc.... i don't know what i would do if i only had friends that come around when they want something from me (and i am EXTREMELY grateful that i can detect who those individuals are). 

when i was reading PostSecret today, this really stuck out to me....

the real reason this really stuck out to me is because the website i had just previously been on 5 seconds before i opened up #PostSecret was MTSU's career development department. I am a Sociology major, and a double minor in Media, History, & Culture and Recording Industry. when i graduate (in December), I would like to work with children & women who have been sexually abused. i feel like this might have been a little sign.... thanks, universe.

i've been pretty low lately, and writing in my various journals that are spread out all over the place (my purse, backpack, car, apartment....) has helped, but it's easier to just type it out in class- i'm still listening, i swear...... 

HAPPY ERF DAY!!!!!

praise Mother Nature

life's darkest roads will only make your spirit brighter 

XXXo.cassanova.xo

living proof

we are living in a storm

where a hundred contradicting elements collide.

debris from the past,

scraps of the present,

seeds of the future,

swirling, combining, separating

under the imperious wind of destiny.

How to Work Better:

1. do one thing at a time

2. know the problem 

3. learn to listen

4. learn to ask questions

5. distinguish sense from nonsense 

6. accept change as inevitable

7. admit mistakes

8. say it simple

9. be calm

10. smile

the struggle is part of the story.

u can spend minutes,

hours, days, weeks, or

even months over-analyzing

a situation; trying to put the 

pieces together, justifying

what could've, would've 

happened... or u can leave

the pieces on the floor &

MOVE THE FUCK ON

people born in January are usually mentally strong, but they generallyaren't understood by other people. Capricorn is a pushy Cardinal Earth sign ruled by Saturn, the planet of adversity (difficulties, misfortune). Capricorns will grind anything that gets in their way down to dust. Time is definitely on their side. It gets easier for them as they get older. when they age, they cheer up too. 

these people have non-typical ideas of love, duty, and social position, and that is why they are often considered to be "odd," and do not fit in easily with their neighbors or colleagues. Their basic concern is for security and to understand the feelings and needs of other people. 

Capricorns have a great sense of pride and will not forgive anyone who belittles or slights them. although they may seem to be cold, they have warm hearts towards suffering. They give away very much.

darling, 

you fucked up.

slow down, let me be still with you....

ex·pec·ta·tion  [ek-spek-tey-shuhn] noun

1. the act or the state of expecting: to wait in expectation.
2. the act or state of looking forward or anticipating.
3. an expectant mental attitude: a high pitch of expectation.
4. something expected; a thing looked forward to.
5. Often, expectations. a prospect of future good or profit: to have great expectations.

you should gain a new perspective on the situation man.

e·go·ism  [ee-goh-iz-uhm, eg-oh-] noun

1. the habit of valuing everything only in reference to one's personal interest; selfishness (opposed to altruism).

2. egotism or conceit.

3. Ethics. the view that morality ultimately rests on self-interest.

______________________________________

conceited, egocentric, egoistic, egotistical, narcissistic, pompous, puffed up, self-absorbed, self-centered, self-important, self-involved, self-seeking, self-serving, selfish, smug, stuck-up, vain, vainglorious

= you

"It is sadder to find the past again and find it inadequate to the present than it is to have it elude you and remain forever a harmonious conception of memory."

F. Scott Fitzgerald

fuck you.

whatthefuckever

you know what drives me crazy?

 the "I'd-like-to-still-hangout-and-be-friends" phenomenon. 

it's like the guy is giving us a consolation prize, "Thanks for playing. Sorry you didn't win, but I have an excellent parting gift for you, you can continue hanging out with me!"

TRANSLATION: "you can continue to hang out with me, and when I say "hang out with me," I mean, you can come over when it's convenient for me, and have sex with me."

sometimes I flow staccato

strip you of vibrato

while you be acting macho

I try and switch it up

I see the games you play

and the traps you lay

not fit to fall in

but I let you play them anyway

The Games You Play

count the ways you've destroyed me

d y n a m i c s

i won't be coming back this time, so don't hold your breath

close enough to start a war; all that i have is on the floor.
i cant give you, what you think you gave me; it’s time to say goodbye to turning tables.
i won’t let you close enough to hurt me.

i view myself a goddess among mortals

you're the ying to my yang

i'm doing okay.

promise.